Getting back on the bike... one day

One year ago today, I rode my bike 22km to my son’s soccer match (the kids went with their dad in the car). Afterwards, I rode another 4km to park my bike at a friend’s house while we went away for the weekend. I weighed approximately the same then as I do now, but I wasn’t six months pregnant at the time. That extra weight was mostly fat, not baby. I was pretty fit for a fat person.

Today, we went to exactly the same venue, for our other son to participate in a soccer carnival. I didn’t ride my bike. I’m six months pregnant. I’m ashamed to say that I would probably have struggled to ride 2km, never mind 22. I’m happy to say that I can still walk 2km (and further, although it’s more of an effort now), but the bike will have to wait for a while.

I will get back on the bike. Maybe with one of those baby seat attachments. It seems hard to believe right now, but so did riding 22km, not so long ago.

Permalink Sunday, 8 August, 2010 11:30 pm, by Mamma Email , 180 words, Categories: Health, Pregnancy, Bike ,

Telling the first "others"

Today, we told the kids the news. We decided that they should be the first, besides ourselves, to know. It was fun to see their facial expressions change as the information registered in their brains. They started trying to talk to the baby in my tummy, even though we explained that it was only about 1.5cm long and probably couldn’t hear anything yet. I don’t want to discourage them, though - they are so excited and so uninhibited in their relationship with this new sibling. I remember the first attempts at talking to my very first growing belly, and even the baby once he was outside. I had so much trouble letting go of those inhibitions and not being embarrassed to talk to him.

The boys decided to dig out the baby/toddler toys that were still hiding in a corner of their toy collection. We reminded them that there was still a long time to wait, and that it would be more helpful to clean up the rest of the toys first. Their response was to play with the baby toys themselves.

Every now and then, they would randomly come up to me and talk to my tummy again, and a couple of times put their ears up to it to try to listen for kicking. Again, I reassured them that it wasn’t time for that quite yet.

The Man and I discussed this “telling” thing from time to time all week. As far as we were concerned, we would have been happy to announce it immediately. However, the reasons for keeping it mostly to ourselves still stand. We decided we would tell the boys today, and then, tonight, we told our respective parents. At the moment, we’re not even telling our own siblings. There’s plenty of time for that anyway.

My one remaining dilemma is this: I actually feel more like telling selected friends before I feel the need to tell more family members. I don’t know if that sounds weird to anybody else, but while I love my family, I feel closer to some friends and would like to tell them, partly for their support and prayers. I’m a little bit torn. I’ll have to think about it some more.

Permalink Saturday, 6 March, 2010 11:49 pm, by Mamma Email , 373 words, Categories: Relationships ,


POAS+So, I’ve been:
* feeling extremely tired
* going to bed early (for me!) and catching naps during the day
* getting hungry a bit more suddenly than usual
* experiencing some low-level nausea and slight dizziness
* totally unmotivated to do much exercise
* more impatient and cranky than usual
* having some weird but mild fluid retention issues (which seem to have resolved for now)

I tried to blame the long bike ride a week and a half ago, during which I managed to attain a sunburn and probably became a bit dehydrated. Many of my symptoms could have been attributed to dehydration (and subsequent rehydration).

I also tried to match up the symptoms with PMS, and of course many of them fit that too. My cycles are still irregular, but I have been trying to get back into charting, and while my notes are incomplete, it’s pretty clear that my next cycle “should” have well and truly started by now.

I debated buying the POAS (pee-on-a-stick) test - AKA HPT (home pregnancy test) for the last week. I looked at that section of the supermarket. I told myself no, partly because I didn’t want to have to answer questions from the kids shopping with me, and partly because I don’t like relying on that test for my answer. But my chart wasn’t conclusive enough for me. A test would give me a “yes” or a “no”, and I was far enough into my chart that I could trust the answer. And there was one particular package on sale this week. It was a single test. It was relatively cheap. And I decided I just needed to get a yes or no and get on with my life.

So yesterday morning, I peed on the stick. It said wait three minutes, but it took all of three seconds. No doubt. Really, it only confirmed what I already knew, deep down, and had been trying to ignore. It’s still early. From my (incomplete, but clear enough within reason) charting, we’re looking at late October to mid November.

It’s not that I don’t want or welcome this. Selfishly, I keep thinking “but what about my plans for big bike rides?” or “I still have so much weight to get rid of” or “but I was really going to try this raw vegan thing properly to see if my periods really did improve”. And honestly, it’s still early enough to not announce it to the world, “just in case”. I also have some personal/emotional reasons for not telling certain people yet, including the kids. But I’m documenting it here for myself. If you’re reading this, it either means I forgot to mark it “private” or I’ve decided it’s safe to make it public, and you’re reading it weeks later.

I told The Man last night. I was a little worried about how he might feel, but he seems happy enough, if a little bit surprised. We knew it could happen. We were not planning, but not preventing. My body hasn’t been healthy enough to even entertain the thought for so long now, but apparently I’ve done something right lately. Let’s hope I can keep doing something right. It’s even more important now.

Permalink Thursday, 25 February, 2010 10:18 am, by Mamma Email , 533 words, Categories: Medical tests, Health, Bike ,

Thanks for noticing!

Well, I intended to write a follow-up ages ago. Last time I talked about my health/weight journey was almost two months ago!

At the time, I was aiming to be under 100kg by New Year - and I reached that goal. :) And was ridiculously happy about it. I managed to get a bit lower than that too, and during the last couple of months have hovered between 96 to 98, for various reasons. I had a 90kg goal for my birthday (almost two weeks ago) but didn’t get there. I’m OK with that. I’ve been a bit slack with the smoothies, but have had lots of salads - summer is great for that! I haven’t been totally vegetarian or totally raw, but have tried to maintain a high ratio of raw veg. Currently, my goal is to get back into the green smoothies more regularly, keep going with the salads, and plant lots of greens in the garden when the weather calms down a little. Right now it would scorch all the tender shoots, so we have some things in pots under shadecloth until it’s safer out in the sun.

Finally, I probably should explain today’s title. It’s not sarcastic ;-)

Over the last couple of months, I have received some compliments, or at least people noticing my weight change. For a person with life-long self esteem issues, this has been fantastic. While I have to keep reminding myself that I’m doing this primarily for myself, the health part also for my family - and that other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter - it’s still nice when people notice. Even people who normally don’t. Especially them!

I know the compliments can’t last forever, and I can’t keep relying on them to keep me motivated. That is why I have to remind myself that they’re just bonuses, and that how I feel is the most important gauge.

Permalink Wednesday, 24 February, 2010 1:20 pm, by Mamma Email , 314 words, Categories: Weather, Motivation, Health, Food ,

Ten years

Ten years ago today, the day after Christmas, on the Feast of the Holy Family, The Man and I became husband and wife. Incidentally, a year later, on the Sunday after Christmas, the Feast of the Holy Family, our firstborn was baptised, and the saved tier of the wedding cake was shared.

We had a pretty subdued Christmas, but we make more of the Epiphany anyway, in terms of gift-giving. This year that’s a fortunate thing, as I’ve been a bit “off” this week, and I’ve needed these days to be quiet and homely. I must admit, I’ve probably tested the “in good times and in bad” thing a little this week.

So I’ve been a bit sentimental today. Ten years seems like a pretty big deal to me. I had wanted to commemorate it in some significant way, maybe a renewal of vows and/or a gathering of family and friends, but we didn’t get around to organising anything, and didn’t want to spend a lot on doing so anyway. Tonight we took the boys to Mass, combining both our anniversary and the feast day, then bought pizza on the way home. OK, so I didn’t eat raw tonight, but it was gluten free, cheese free and vegetarian. I was all set to make them all watch the video taken on our wedding day, until we realised that the VCR isn’t working - well, the sound is fine, but there’s no picture. I could have made them listen, I suppose… ;)

So I’ve pulled out all the photo albums, the candle and the ceremony booklet. I’ve been remembering all the preparation that went into that day, the emotional discussions, the negotiations, the trying to keep everybody happy. I’m thankful that we did the whole thing on a relatively small budget, partly out of necessity, as my parents wanted to pay and didn’t have a whole lot of money to throw at it. We were blessed and honoured to have my choir travel all the way, without wanting a cent contributed to their costs, to sing for our ceremony (and a little performance at the reception too) - and the wonderful music at the reception was provided as a gift from a family friend and her duo partner. Everything else was done pretty much on the cheap, but it was all done well. I’ve never been one for pomp and ceremony, and didn’t want to change that just because of a wedding. After all, it’s just one day. I simply wanted to marry the love of my life. In the end, what is it really worth if the money is still being paid off on your tenth anniversary?

We did manage to throw in a couple of surprises. My sisters and I sang the entrance song, Bach/Gounod’s Ave Maria, and only confided in a handful of people. My younger brother had to perform his page boy duty on the day with no rehearsal, as I couldn’t trust him to see, and keep quiet about, what we had planned before the day. At the age of six, carrying the real wedding rings, he did a fantastic job. The priest and organist knew, and my other brother, as altar server, had to bring me a microphone, but everybody else, including my father, the choir, the photographer (who berated me later!) and especially the groom, were kept in the dark until I was handed the microphone at the back of the church. I sang while my younger brother and sisters walked up the aisle, and then they sang Dad and me on our way. I’m not writing this in order to brag; I’m sure many others would have done a much better job of it, but it’s still one of my favourite memories. I have to admit that I love being able to pull off surprises, especially if they’re nice ones and I can see the recipient’s reaction.

I sang again later at the reception, but I chose a bad time to do it. It was a soppy love song that I wrote especially for my new husband, and it sort of fell between my choir’s performance and the clattering of dessert dishes. It was caught on tape, and watching it makes me feel a bit sorry for the silly bride up there embarrassing herself, but the groom seemed to like it, and after all, it was for him. My sisters wrote a song for us and sang it during the speeches (a much smarter timeslot). The speeches were heartfelt and kept clean, most of my cousins were there, plenty of kids to keep each other entertained, and plenty of food to keep the guests satisfied.

Looking at the photos stirs up a mix of emotions. There are a few faces I barely know - friends of family, partners of guests; there are faces that have passed on and can only be seen now in photos and in memories. And of course, all of the faces that are still around are ten years older. Children have grown up, adults have become older adults. A few of the young adults are now married and/or have their own children. In fact, I believe one of my cousins proposed to his (now) wife on our wedding day. I grew up with celebrations that included, and welcomed, children, and our wedding would have seemed strange without them. I think our children would have enjoyed that party.

And today it’s raining, just as it did that day. It had been overcast all day, held off until after our photos in the forest, then we drove away from the reception in the rain. I should mention that the bride and groom were the very last people to leave the party. Even my parents left before us. We had a brief honeymoon, returning home in time for the non-event that was Y2K - the “millennium bug” New Year.

Looking back, there are only a few things I might conceivably change, and they’re really not major things. Ten years later, we’re still together (happily), we have two beautiful children, and we’re all loving and learning together. That day seems so long ago, yet only a memory away. I wonder what we’ll be saying about it in another ten.

Permalink Saturday, 26 December, 2009 10:44 pm, by Mamma Email , 1049 words, Categories: Weather, Music, Marriage ,

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