If at first you don't succeed...

This post is a bit long, and makes no apologies for the gratuitous overuse of the smiley collection. :P Guess I just needed to debrief…

If you want to make God laugh…

Yesterday we were supposed to go to the hospital for an appointment. It was scheduled for 5pm, since that was the time they had available, and it fit perfectly with our other plans. The hospital is not far from the club where my choir rehearses, so the plan was to drop husband (DH) and son off at the hospital, drive with other son to the club, get some piano practice in before choir rehearsal, then pick the others up again and bring them back for dinner and rehearsal. Since all of that was perfectly arranged, we took the next step and organised to take the car to the garage for a service, and to fix a gearbox problem that has been bothering us. Not only had the car been refusing to start, although it’s been behaving most of the time since that day, it’s also been sluggish to change to top gear - that’s still happening, and DH has his suspicions about the cause, but we’ll have to test that theory next time. Sitting in third on the motorway is not the most economical way to drive. DH took the day off work, took the car to the garage first thing, came home to wait and get some things done. Perfect. :-)

I’ve heard it said: “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans”. He must have had a good giggle yesterday. ;)

About midday I asked DH if he had mentioned to the mechanic that we had a time constraint. Um, no. Some time later he rang to check on how things were going. “Nearly done, it’ll be ready in half an hour.” Over an hour after that, nobody had rung or arrived to pick him up, so DH rang again. “Yeah, we’re on our way now.”

Not long after they left, my phone rang.
“It’s me.” (funnily enough, I knew this: his number happens to be programmed into my phone, and the ring tone when DH rings is the theme tune of “Bob the Builder”. The kids liked the show at the time. So there.) “We have a problem. I can’t drive the car.”
“OK…” U-(
The car had been taken for a test drive before he arrived, and nobody at the garage had been able to make it fail. He had paid the bill, and on starting the car, it wouldn’t select a gear. Any gear.
“They don’t have a spare courtesy car available right now, and they won’t be able to get a replacement part this afternoon.”
“OK…” >:-(
“Maybe we can catch a bus to the appointment and to the rehearsal, or a taxi. I’ll call you back once they’ve looked at it.”
“OK…” :## Taxi, no thanks, but buses we can handle.

[Bob the builder, can we fix it…]
“It’s me.” Yep, knew that. “They’re going to pull apart the gearbox and see what’s broken. The mechanic has his old car here we can use. It has a brake problem, but they’re going to fix it. Either way we’ll have a car in half an hour. Did you call the hospital yet?”
“OK…” :**: “Do you remember what happened last time they said half an hour? Haven’t called the hospital, but I’m not going to tell them to wait another half an hour for us if we can’t be sure that’s all it will be.”

[Bob the builder, can we fix it…]
“It’s me.” What a surprise! ;) “Our car is fine. They opened the gearbox and found that something must have just come loose when they were replacing the switch. Nothing broken, they’ll have it done soon. Did you call the hospital yet?”
“OK…” :| “I’ve rescheduled the appointment for tomorrow. I should have just organised to catch buses in the first place.”

So that’s why we were negotiating buses today, and God must have decided to take pity on us, because even with the buses running late from home, we still managed to get the connecting bus from the city to the hospital and get there on time.

On a brighter note, we got a free gear oil change (they had to empty it to look inside) and if DH ever wants a job as “the person to call if a car has a problem and nobody else can make it fail”, there may be a position waiting for him at a garage we know of…

The day my husband listened to me

While waiting for the appointment this afternoon, I tried to call DH to make sure he hadn’t forgotten about picking us up. He didn’t answer, so I guessed he must have been on his way. I figured he’d probably walk in any minute. After the appointment, the boys and I went to get some food (not much left to choose from at the end of the day, but anyway) and call DH again. This time he answered, and this is where my own words come back to bite me. ;)

A little background: He often works back late. I often call at some point to check how long he’s likely to be. If he was driving, he would usually let it ring, find somewhere to pull over, then call me back. Either that, or he would press the answer button, leave the phone beside him (we have a handsfree but not an in-car one, and we always forget the other one) and yell - so that I could hear him - that he would ring me back when he could. I eventually told him that I usually just wanted to know how far away he was, so if he was going to yell into the phone, just yell his location and that would be fine.

Today, he did that. He yelled “Can’t talk, I’m driving. I’m on my way home, I should be there in about half an hour or so.” Click. I knew he’d listen to me one day. Just why did it have to be today!!! I rang him again. And then I rang and left a message “Don’t go home! We’re at the hospital!” And then, just for good measure, I rang one more time. He started wondering why I was being so insistent. Then he suddenly realised (although he didn’t find my message) and called back to say he was on his way back to us.

Be careful what you wish for… ;D

Permalink Wednesday, 24 October, 2007 11:30 pm, by Mamma Email , 1149 words, Categories: Anxiety & stress ,

Follow the yellow brick road...

OK, don’t ask me why I used that title; I think it just sounded less boring than “Confused but I now have a path to follow” ;)

I went to the doctor yesterday for my blood test results. She had suggested hypothyroidism, and still believes I have thyroid issues, but the results didn’t show enough of the numbers to indicate it, which means that she can’t legally treat me for it (yet). I can have some more tests, but I will have to pay out of pocket for those, since they are only bulk billed if other tests indicate that they’re needed.

She’s very thorough, which also means she’s always running late, which unfortunately means the appointment felt very rushed and confusing - and it was a thirty minute appointment that turned into an hour! Last time, I was there for something different, so she didn’t make notes in my file about my history and all the current issues. As a result, this appointment was more like an initial consultation, and should have been scheduled for a longer time slot (we would still have gone over time). She explained each blood test, the result, and her interpretation of the result, and then wrote down a list of things she wants me to get.

My overall iron level is reasonable, but one of the components, ferritin, is excruciatingly low - she said something about it being not enough to get out of bed in the morning - so I need to work on my iron intake. My progesterone/oestradiol ratio looks reasonable, but she said that some of the numbers can look good if other things are having problems. One of my thyroid antibodies is too high, but only marginally, which I think is why she isn’t allowed to treat it with meds. She looks at things differently from the average doctor, so I wasn’t surprised at her interpretations, but I had a bit of trouble following some of them, being in a hurry to get through them. I was surprised that the minimum iron level has apparently been reduced since last time I had blood tests. From memory, it was once 10, where now it is 7 (and now I understand the “magic number” we were watching for last year after my son’s surgery when they were working out if he would need a transfusion).

We talked about the thyroid, the possibility of PCOS, my OCD, the fact that those things can all go together, and my current thinking that all of these “disorders”, “syndromes” and “isms” are really just symptoms of what’s really causing things. For example, a list of symptoms of hypothyroidism includes OCD-related problems, so we could say that OCD is a potential symptom of hypothyroidism. And how many diagnoses do you read about that say “however, any and all of these symptoms can be attributed to any number of other diagnoses”? I am really starting to believe that, most of the time, what we’re diagnosing from a list of symptoms is really just another symptom, and we need to look deeper than that to really see the cause. It’s starting to look like most of my problems can be traced back to mercury, and I already know I need to do a good detox. I’ve also been living in denial over a few potential food intolerances, and I can’t very well tell my son that he/we “should” be avoiding certain things if I don’t set a consistent example myself.

Anyway, the doctor has prescribed a progesterone cream, something to help with gut healing and something to help with sleep/relaxation/mood (also supposed to help adrenals and thyroid). She also wants me to look up a source of organic organ meats/glands, and has recommended a couple of books to read. So while I came away a bit confused, very glad I had already done some research so I knew what she was talking about, and realising that there were still some things I had forgotten to mention, I now have a clearer picture of what I’m dealing with. At the very least, I have a better idea of what to research next.

The hour we were there was supposed to be my appointment, plus a fifteen minute appointment each for DH and me to have skin checks. So she took about two minutes to look at a spot on my forehead that I’ve been concerned about and froze it off, and we rescheduled DH’s skin check for another time.

Permalink Thursday, 18 October, 2007 1:46 pm, by Mamma Email , 752 words, Categories: Medical tests, OCD ,

A Matter of Trust

:butterfly03:It seems ironic that my first public post on this blog should be about trust (or lack thereof). You can laugh at me if you want, all two of you who might end up reading it… If BJ ever does happen across my blog, I hope he’ll forgive me for borrowing his song title, and for using his song as inspiration. Having said that…

I don’t trust ‘You’

I mean ‘You’ first person plural, general collective population, not you personally - although when you think about it, trust is personal, one of the most personal things you could imagine.

I’m not a trusting person. I’m sure I have been at times, maybe even at the wrong times. It takes a lot for me to let down my guard to ‘You’. I’ve realised that this can often mean I’m more lonely. I rarely let people get close, so the ones who try must be dedicated. I have started these blogs, but the majority of posts are still hidden, and you need to ask me to allow you access to read them. That includes this blog - each blog has a separate list of members.

I don’t trust ‘You’ to love me unconditionally, or even to like me, at least not for very long. I don’t trust ‘You’ to not find me boring. I don’t trust ‘You’ to read my blog, so I check to see if anybody has logged in. In the end, I guess that means I don’t trust myself to maintain ‘Your’ love, respect or interest.

I’m insecure. I’ve been self-conscious for as long as I can remember. I have always struggled with my weight and appearance, and the only time I felt really good about the way I looked was the year I lost enough weight to fit a smaller jeans size, went out and bought new clothes and makeup, and dressed to impress my then-boyfriend, who was returning for holidays from a university 1000 kilometres away. There were a lot of things wrong with that relationship, but I held onto it for fear that I would never find another guy and would die an old maid.

I’ve trusted before. Earlier this year, a former acquaintance, whom I had thought of as my best friend, showed her true colours. In retrospect, there were many things wrong with that relationship too, but I honestly thought the good had outweighed the bad. She had even been helpful and supportive during the early days last year when my son was in hospital, whether out of pity, charity or true concern for my son, I will never really know.

I know they say that when a crisis occurs, you find out who your real friends are, and I still believe that to be true. I just think that maybe, in some cases, it takes a bit longer. Just switching to a blog from the other update format seems to have weeded out a few more, so I’m hoping that those of you still visiting really want to be here.

So I’ve been burned. Who hasn’t? I’m not that special. But I just wanted to explain where I’m coming from. I’ve finally realised that it’s not always all my fault, unless I choose to let it continue.

And in the end, that’s what this particular blog will be exploring, directly or indirectly. This is my blog, where I will be examining my issues, opinions and journey. My other blogs are not generally about me, so you can choose to follow my journey if you wish, but you can also choose to only read my son’s updates without me getting in the way too much.

Permalink Thursday, 18 October, 2007 12:05 pm, by Mamma Email , 611 words, Categories: Anxiety & stress ,

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