Butterfly Wings

It’s mildly ironic that I’m writing this now, since it’s after midnight and part of my plan to “get serious” involves getting to bed at a decent hour. However, I’ve been thinking about it, and now seems as good a time as any to write it. I have also had a glass and a half of white wine during the course of the evening, so while my thoughts are more spontaneous and less refined, I’m more likely to be honest.

I need to make some changes. Yes, I already made a start, but I hit a plateau and I need to do something about getting back on track. I won’t go into detail right now, but I have health issues to deal with, including a whole stack of weight I need to shift.

So I’ve decided to do what every other self-respecting blogger has done, and document my process. It seems that people find more success with sticking to their plans when they’ve made them public, sometimes embarrassingly so. While my blog certainly doesn’t have a readership anywhere near the size of the television audience of shows like The Biggest Loser, the idea that somebody, somewhere may read my blog and judge my efforts could be motivation enough. Even if nobody reads it but me, I will know that I can’t hide it any more.

I haven’t decided how much detail I will post. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to document photos or weight or a food diary (or to subject potential readers to that). However, I suppose there’s no point in doing this if I haven’t included at least some of those details. Anybody out there want to give me their opinion on that?

So anyway, that’s the (vague, murky, hazy) plan so far. Starting as soon as I work out what to actually post, I will start posting about my personal journey. After all, that’s how this blog started, except it was just for a different journey.

And then again, I may wake up in the morning and read this, and ask “What in the world was I thinking???” Watch this space (well, if you want to)…

Today is our “engagement anniversary”. It may seem a strange day to remember, but to me, it’s just as significant as our wedding anniversary.

On this day, ten years ago, we committed ourselves to one another, in a private moment shared by just the two of us. One hundred days later - not planned that way, that’s just how it worked out - we made that commitment official, surrounded by family and friends.

Our engagement was a relatively short one, but those who really know us know that both The Man and I are slow to make big decisions - and when those decisions are made, they’re made. So we might as well have married that day, as our deliberations and second-guessing had already been done. We had been officially a couple for just over two years, and before that we had spent a year and a half as friends, going out quite frequently on “non-dates” and trying hard not to become too attached. I think most people who knew us spent a lot of time wanting to grab us and say “get on with it already!”

Just over two weeks before he asked me, we were out one night and I had initiated the “are we ever going to be more than this?” discussion. He had, of course, not wanted to just give in. He confessed later that he had actually been planning to ask, but he had wanted to choose a time when it clearly appeared to be his idea, and not just a reaction to my impatience. So, that night, shortly after returning home from the latest emotional discussion, my little sister rang, very excitedly, to announce that her boyfriend (now husband) had proposed. I burst into tears, and while I wanted to be happy for them, I was just so upset for myself… and ridiculously envious. Of course, as I found out later, that put The Man’s own proposal plans on hold further, in order to not steal their moment.

So, two weeks later, after I had prepared a romantic dinner, he finally decided he was ready to ask me. He didn’t have an engagement ring, but he found one that he had given me as a souvenir from an earlier trip to Sardinia, knelt and asked.

I laughed.

After all the fuss of the previous weeks, I didn’t know whether or not to believe him, and he had to convince me that he was serious.

Today, I was planning to prepare something less “ordinary” for dinner, to commemorate this day. Just before leaving in search of ingredients, the kitchen tap refused to turn off. So, instead of washing up, buying ingredients and cooking something special, I turned off the mains water supply, went shopping for new taps and bought takeaway Thai for dinner. Not so romantic, but the kids thought the candle was a nice touch.