Butterfly Wings

I had a funny thought today. Actually, it wasn’t so funny, and it was accompanied by more fantasies of hysterectomy (and further thoughts wondering what other horrible ways my body would find to detox if it came to that). Oh, not sure if I already mentioned that detox is what we’ve decided is happening. Again, not going into too many details, but my body seems to like a particular method.

Anyway, I was thinking about how we spend so much time abusing our bodies, either intentionally or due to ignorance about what is really good for us, and may have various issues with that. Then, we educate ourselves a bit, try to make some positive changes, and then we’re hit with the real punishment for our past sins… Detox. Right now, detox is making me want to go back to ignorance. It seems unfair. I started to wonder if I should just go back to the way I was before, and just keep the toxins where they are. I even had a coffee this morning to remind myself of what I’m missing. In a takeaway paper cup with a plastic lid. Yay - phytoestrogens and xenoestrogens all in the one hot comfort drink. Good thinkin’ 99… Did I not mention that I’m trying to avoid those? Mind you, I’ve been doing pretty well - since my “last coffee”, I’ve had the equivalent of one organic fair trade coffee at home last Sunday (Mothers Day doesn’t count, right?) and the one takeaway one today. Sunday’s was social, today’s was frustration and desperation. And it didn’t fix those anyway.

I’m just tired of this. I know they say that it can get worse before it gets better. I know that positive efforts pay off in the end… eventually. I know I don’t have to like it for it to be doing something good. I know this is just frustration and exhaustion talking. I just want to be able to go and siphon off the toxins somewhere and instantly feel better. Is that too much to ask? It’s not like I’m asking for immortality…

See, the trouble is that I still don’t really know what I’m doing. I have so many web pages bookmarked, pages printed out, opinions from my doctor and homoeopath (and anybody else who has offered their opinions) that my head is spinning (and I was already feeling dizzy from the low iron!) I still don’t know whether to avoid all phytoestrogens, or avoid the “strong” ones and keep the “weak” ones - or even whether to just avoid some of the phytoestrogen sub-groups. And then there’s the iron, and the various things that can inhibit iron absorption. Somewhere in the middle there’s a crossover of good mineral sources vs phytoestrogens.

For example, sprouting seeds and grains increases their nutritional value, vitamins, enzymes, various good things; reduces/eliminates phytates (which block nutrient absorption in the body)… but it also hugely increases their phytoestrogen levels - and I haven’t yet worked out if that’s a good thing, in my case. It seems that eliminating all phytoestrogens from the diet means I miss out on lots of goodness too. So I’m back to wondering if certain phytoestrogens are actually beneficial, and I need to go back through that pile of pages I printed out…

It was so much easier in the land of blissful ignorance - not healthier, but easier…

Literally. Apparently there is no evidence of fibroids, cysts or other bad things. Quite frankly, when I look at the scans, I can’t even see a uterus! I’ve never been good at those scans. The word “normal” is used in the report (twice) and “no pathology” too. I was almost disappointed, since it was not a pleasant afternoon’s visit, and I felt like I should have at least got some sort of answer out of all that effort. When you turn up early, find out they’re running very behind schedule and you’ve prepared very well (i.e. drunk lots of water) it’s not fun. The poor receptionist was very apologetic. But at least we’ve ruled out Very Bad Things. Oh, and there’s no baby either (not that I expected one).

DH didn’t quite understand my frustration. In his mind, I’m pretty sure all he could hear all afternoon was the echo of his colleagues’ voices extolling the virtues of the hysterectomy. He said “It’s good news” - and yes, I agree, but when you rule out Bad Things you’re still left with Unanswered Questions. Hopefully I’ll answer some of those tomorrow when I ring the doctor to find out if the blood test results are back. It looks like I just have to get some imbalances sorted out, and we’ve started on that.

So, moving right along…

Thanks for the good thoughts, prayers and support.

I’ll keep this short and sweet. I have an ultrasound tomorrow to see what’s going on in my uterus. There, I’ve said it.

Anyway, I’m not actually too worried (yet! I’ll see how I’m feeling after guzzling 1.5 litres of water before 2pm) but I’d really appreciate some positive thoughts and stuff.

Thanks.